Reflecting Transparently on 2021 💭

Zuri is now two in a half years old as of December 10th and I suffered greatly from what I learned this year was postpartum anxiety, from the time she was born! Talk about being scared out of your mind and always worried about EVERYTHING! I do feel this was caused by my traumatic birthing experience that ended in a c-section and learning the cord was double wrapped around Zuri’s neck! Zuri spent some time in the NICU and she also had really funny breathing up until about nine or ten months old, that added to my worry, especially when others would ask me why she sounded like that and found it alarming!

I was once so afraid for Zuri that I left in the middle of work and drove all the way to my then sitters house because I couldn’t get in touch with her and just knew something bad had happened to my baby because of her strange breathing! When I arrived, Zuri was just fine! I also barely got any rest as I worried a lot about SIDS too.

Another struggle that added to my stress was having to get out of the house with Zuri! It gave me major anxiety every time I needed to get to a destination by a set time with her! This got so bad that I stopped doing stuff like going to church or pretty much anywhere else that required timely arrival! I now know that this, on top of being completely overwhelmed, is what led me to resign from teaching and stay at home!

I did whatever I could to relieve the anxiety! Zuri is two in a half and I’ve just started to feel less anxious about all of this with the help of therapy and time! I now do what I can and try my best not to sweat the things I have no control over! I’m still so thankful to be able to work from home because it has helped me be less anxious! Experiencing this while breastfeeding, working to provide as a single parent at home by myself with my child pretty much every single day, going to school, being in a global pandemic and still trying to accomplish goals just wasn’t easy!

I thank God so much for keeping me not just this year but these two in half life changing years as Zuri’s mommy. I know he will keep me in the years to come! I say all this to say, if you truly love them, check on the new/first time moms in your life, be supportive, and extend them grace because I’m sure they’re fighting battles they can’t even name! Create safe spaces for the ones you love in 2022!

Happy New Year 🎉