Mommy Moments (Who Knew)

After having my beautiful daughter Zuri "Jalissa Faith" I had lots of things to do. I mean I wasn't even out of surgery two hours before being told to start pumping since I planned to breast feed and Zuri was taken directly to the NICU for minor complications and being a little early. A C-Section was never apart of the plan, but God knew best.

As I began to pump, things were going well. I got colostrum as I was told I would and eventually my milk came in. I went from making a couple of ounces to making five or six each time I pumped. This was great seeing as many women struggled with producing milk at all. We often hear that just as fast as you get milk, you can lose it and that lack of sleep and not drinking enough water can compromise your entire supply. Who knew that breast feeding or pumping could make you extremely sad though?

That's right, breast feeding or pumping can make you extremely sad. It's pumping that does it for me. I remember sharing with a loved one that I didn't care for pumping and that as crazy as it sounded, it made me feel extremely sad every time it was time to pump. She laughed, which I could understand. I mean how could pumping make you sad?

I first noticed the feelings of sadness when I was still in the hospital and had only been pumping for a couple of days. I remember wanting to cry and wondering why pumping made me feel that way. I just kind of wrote it off as being emotional because I had just had my baby. I've come to learn that what I've been experiencing is so much more than my emotions being out of wack. So much more than me just not wanting to pump.

Upon consulting my OB, she told me I was most likely suffering from D-MER. That's right, it's an actual thing! D-MER stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. My doctor explained to me that this condition is common but many women are too embarrassed to even share what they are going through. They don't want to seem like bad moms or be negatively labeled.

D-MER, I have learned has nothing to do with my emotions and everything to do with my hormones. The sadness comes just before let down and lasts just a few mintues. The hormone responsible for these negative feelings of sadness (or anxiety, homesickness, agitation or anger) is dopamine. According to my OB this is a physiological response (not a psychological response) that appears to be tied to a sudden decrease in the brain chemical dopamine immediately before milk let-down.

D-MER is not postpartum depression nor is it classified as a postpartum mood disorder. D-MER is not a general dislike of breastfeeding. Impatience with baby at the breast, irritability from nipple pain, sadness during pumping because of separation from the baby; these things are not D-MER. D-MER is not the "breastfeeding aversion" that can happen to some mothers when nursing while pregnant or when nursing older toddlers.

Of course there are levels to this condition. Where some women have mild symptoms, others have severe ones. I am still learning more about D-MER and I encourage other women who may be going through what I'm going through to do the same. When we know better, we tend to do better. This is one step in the right direction for me.