Soul Food for Thought!

Mother's Day often stirs up all kinds of emotions in people. Whether you're feeling happy and excited or sad and dismayed, you're feeling something right? 

For many mothers days, when I was old enough to make meaning of it, I felt sad and cheated. I saw so many of the people around me loving all on their mom's and showering them with gifts because they had been so amazing. They had mom's who had wiped tears away in the most difficult times of their young lives. Mom's who showed up every single time they needed them, no matter what. They had mom's who worked crazy hours just to make sure they stayed in dance classes and would have what they needed for the future. And then there was me. 

My mom was so young when she had me and so it seems we never got the chance to bond. You know the kind of bond I'm talking about. The bond where I would call on her for everything. Where we'd fight hard but love harder. The bond where when I needed her, she came through no questions asked. Maybe she was too busy still trying to be a kid in spite of her very adult responsibilities. Maybe she didn't really understand the importance of building a relationship with me that would ultimately shape my feelings for her and how I trusted her. Maybe she just didn't know how. 

I spent many mother's days angry at my mother for not being all of the things I needed her to be. Many mothers days looking through cards at the store, trying to find the simple ones. You know the ones that read "Happy Mother's Day " and that was all. I mean I still felt obligated to give her something because after all she was my mother. I had just wished I could give her those mushy cards that said thank you mom for always having my back. Thank you for telling me I was pretty and wiping away my tears when kids at school made me feel bad. I didn't have those kinds of moments with her though, and so I couldn't give her those cards. 

During this time, some mourn their mothers who are no longer with them on this earth, while others mourn their living mothers. I know that sounds crazy, but imagine having your mom here on earth but not having her at all. Like you can see her in the physical, but there is nothing between the two of you. For both kinds of people, it's a loss and their is grief and though some might argue that since your mom is living, there is still hope, sometimes you have to accept that just because someone is alive, doesn't mean things between you will change.  Sometimes you have to mourn what never was and never will be and move forward with your life. 

Over the years God has blessed my life abundantly, intricately placing some fantastic woman in my path when I needed her most. That's right, he didn't leave me hanging. He in fact went overboard for little ole me! For a long time, I didn't see this and so I didn't appreciate it. I was too busy focused on what I thought I didn't have. Today, I can think of at least 12 women who came into my life over the course of 19 years and loved on me like I was one of their own, and out of those 12 women report cards were picked up, graduation fees were paid, college books were bought, I had support during minor surgeries and procedures, I didn't lose apartments or cars when I fell on hard times, prayers went up on my behalf, talks were had about everything under the sun, graduation parties were planned and successful, advice was given, and this year I had someone to fly with me to receive my 2nd degree, iron my gown, take pictures of my amazing moment and just celebrate with me.

This mothers day, I'm not angry anymore! I am thankful to and love my mother for giving me life. I thank her because if she had not given me life, I wouldn't have been blessed to encounter so much love from others over the years. I wouldn't know that God is so amazing that he already had a plan in place for my life. 

This is the glass half full! 🌹