You Forgot To Grieve!
Often times we lose family and friends, we cry for a few days or weeks and then we "move on". We don't even know that there is a grief process and that in a people pleasing rush, we just push our feelings to the side and keep it moving.
People can be so insensitive to your feelings that they won't even allow you to feel what you feel. They may not do it on purpose, but if you're truly honest with yourself, you might remember a time in your life when your broken heart was pushed to the side. There just wasn't enough time for your heartache and pain.
When you forget to grieve, you may find that you are not yourself most days. You may struggle with getting back to your old happy self. Where you used to hang out all of the time, you may barely have a desire to hang out. The funny thing is, you might brush it off as you being tired or just not into that stuff anymore, when in all actuality you're consumed with feelings you haven't identified as grief.
It's not just other people who put your feelings to the side though, it's also you. Yes you do it to yourself too. It is imperative that you allow yourself time to grieve however you choose, because It is truly unhealthy to hide what you are going through.
There is no time for faking the funk when you really aren't handling the loss of someone you loved so much too well. It doesn't matter what title they may have held in your life either. What matters is the love you had for them and the times you shared. Death hurts, and not a person alive can argue with that.
If you aren't feeling like your best self and you have lost someone you truly cared for, then you might have to face your feelings so that you may overcome them and truly move forward in life. Cry when you need to cry, and I'm not talking about a cute cry, I'm talking about that ugly cry that we often times hold inside because we want to prove to everyone that we are strong. Say it hurts when it hurts, scream out loud. Be angry! Do whatever you feel but most importantly, let it out!
The thing about grief is that every person deals differently. Where it may take someone a year to go through the process, it may take you five, and that's okay too.
As I shed tears for the love I've lost, I am not hopeless. I am thankful for the times we had and I mourn the times we no longer get to share on this side of heaven. It is my prayer that someday I'll see them again and we will laugh like we used to laugh, and talk like we used to talk, and love like we never stopped loving.
In loving memory of Mama Brenda Watson 3/24/18
