Resilience "101" with an Emphasis in My Truth
When you're in school you constantly hear teachers and administrators talking about the future. They tell you that you must have a plan and that before you know it, you will be very grown and life won't get easier. You hear them, but you don't hear them. You are young and you will be young forever, or at least until you can figure things out!
When I tell you life for me ain't been no crystal stair, believe me. Believe me when I say my future was something I had no real plans for because I grew up in spaces where nothing good I did was celebrated. Where school didn't really matter and report cards were almost never picked up. I was smart though, and my teachers always pushed me to do my very best.
By the time I graduated high school, I had lived with my middle school English teacher, who told me college was where I'd be going next. I attended Joliet Junior College in 2005, majoring in journalism. I took on a full load of gen eds during the day, and after school I worked downtown Joliet at the library to make money to support myself. I was happy to be doing something productive with my life. I felt like maybe college was my way out.
When I say my way out, I mean my chance to overcome poverty. My chance to get from under people who had in their own ways oppressed me. You see, my mother had me when she was just 16, and my father, well, I had no father. I didn't choose that life, or those parents, but I was sure stuck in some vicious cycles. College had to be my way out!
I was at JJC for one year and in that year I endured a lot. I was lonely not in a sense that I had no friends or roommate to kick it with, but lonely in a sense that I had no parent support, no care packages ever came, and no phone calls either. Here I was making something of myself and nobody really cared. I cared though and little did I know, my caring would see me through.
I attempted to transfer to a university, Lewis University to be exact, but that didn't go so well for me in the end because I was short on tuition and had no one who could spot me $2,000 a semester for the next three years. Life sucked in that way. The way where you wanted to make something of yourself but couldn't get a damn break. The way where someone should have thought of your future so that you didn't have to be stressed out trying to figure your way out. I did have some amazing people doing what they could to assist me on my journey though and I am forever grateful to them. You know who you are. Thank you so much!
After returning my books back to Lewis with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart, I found Triton college. I spent two years there and had no choice but to transfer to a four year institution. In the midst of being sick with rheumatoid arthritis, taking a break because I could hardly walk and battling depression about it; Junior college had taken me as far as it could take me.
If I could avoid talking about my Roosevelt University journey, I would, but I can't tell my story without it. Roosevelt offered me a $5,000 scholarship for my 2.8 gpa and boy did I think that was something. I didn't know that RU was going to be way too expensive for me in the long run, or that I'd eventually take two years of schooling as a loss for $4,000.
College usually takes four, maybe five years to complete right? Well my journey took ten. That's right, ten years to get a four year degree! What I thought would be a simple path turned out to be so complex. There were so many non-stop twists and turns and at times I felt like giving up on everything, giving up on myself. What parents must understand is that children need them no matter how old they get. They need advice and, help and reassurance. Navigating systems is not easy and therefore having that support makes a huge difference.
School was just not working out for me. I didn't stop though. Instead, I started almost all the way over and did it all again at Grand Canyon University in 2011. I graduated with a Bachelor's in Education with an emphasis in English in 2015, landed my 1st teaching job months later, lost the baby I carried for five in a half months, and got back in school to obtain my masters in psychology twice.
2016-2017 really challenged me, hurt me, and yet strengthened me. I had a terrible teacher who lost my work and chose not to take responsibility for it. As a result, my GPA dropped just a few points and I was suspended for three months despite a couple of appeals. What that teacher did not know was that I was driving every other day from the south side of Chicago to the north side to go and sit with my very sick great grandmother. She didn't know that I had done that for almost six months or that I was hardly keeping myself together as I watched the grandmother who raised me slowly dissapear. The grandmother who both bought and changed my diapers. Who fed me and clothed me and loved me. She died two weeks after my suspension from school and my three months out turned into seven, the extra four being my own choice. Losing grandma really hurt me to the very core of my being. She was everything. That's why I chose to push on through and next month I will graduate with my 2nd degree! This one is dedicated to my granny, Joyce Smiter, who died May 2nd 2017. I will always love you granny!
Being young and having children is clearly not the best choice. You're not prepared to take on the challenge of raising a child and therefore you might hinder the child's growth in the long run. Our choices have consequences and kids don't really care that you did the best you could. Kids need parents. Not perfect parents, but parents who will love them, sacrifice for them and better themselves for the sake of their children. They don't need sperm donors or part time mothers who think because you fed them, kept a roof over their heads, and bought them every Jordan, you did enough. They need so much more. They need role models who they can count on to show up and share in their successes. They need parents who will nurture them and assure them that they can always call them with a problem or concern whether they are 17 or 32. I can't remember a time in my life when I truly felt supported by my parents. A time when they showed up for me. I remember crying my eyes out on the plane on my way to Arizona. There I was, a 1st generation college graduate with no mom or dad to share the moment with.
As I prepare to take the stage once more, I am choosing to push through my pain and walk with pride. What I have learned over the years is that it's my parents loss, not mine. They have missed out! I'm a pretty awesome young woman and I made it despite their immeasurable absences. Though I wish things could be different, I am learning to accept what is and remain hopeful for the future. I have been so very blessed in spite of it all.
I like to say that I have a God given resilient gene because the truth is that not everyone is able to overcome the hardships they encounter in life. Not everyone can navigate the woes and wows of life without parents. This does not mean parents aren't still very important. They matter so much and it's unfortunate that not every child will have the best parents. It is imperative that if you aren't fit for the job, young or old, you don't take it. In other words, don't have kids that you aren't ready for. It's a lot to have to recover from childhood. Resilience is key though and I have the key! ❤
